february 2022
23.02 ive started ibutamoren, 12.5mg nightly. my dreams last night were a lot more lucid, and today i wake up with a giant lump in the back of my throat that makes it hard to swallow, however i was feeling kinda sick anyway so im not some if i could attribute that to the ibutamoren. no change in apetite so far? and i forgot to measure my BP and blood glucose before eating so... next time, lol.

its midday. no ravenous hunger, but i definitely could eat more than usual. like, 18.02
ibutamoren coming soon, very excited but i know this isnt like the *best* idea. i like to think itll be magic boob juice but i know its not. im not too excited about the ravenous hunger, but i do like the fact that ill gain weight from it. i know i should do blood tests, but at this point i really cant afford $300 worth of tests.

11.02
i ordered the ibutamoren. fuck it.

09.02
weight: 211lbs
fasting glucose level: 76 ng/dL
BP: 122/77
pulse: 91

ive been thinking lately about trying ibutamoren (MK-677) which is a growth hormone secretagogue. by using it, i can increase my IGF-1 & GH levels, which im confident will lead to better breast growth.

theres lies a couple problems with it, however. problem 1: shit's expensive. a bottle of 60 12.5mg caps (a 30 or 60 day course depending on dosage) runs $125. yikes P2: its known to elevate cortisol and increase insulin sensitivity. fuuuuuuuuun. i still do want to take it, but i definitely think i ought to run labs (hormone panel, IGF-1 levels with Z-score, A1C) before i do. however, labs on my own are $300. so who knows.

what i think ill do is return to my regular breast regimen (vitamin D, calcium, fish oil, massaging with coconut & tea tree oil, sleeping with diffused lavender oil, 2-5 cups of green tea, daily exercise, fatty foods like a tablespoon of coconut oil, 8hrs of sleep) while i acquire funds. once i have the money, then ill take the labs, see where im at, then decide whether or not to try ibutamoren. seems solid. itll definitely take some time to get the money however, with me being out of work so long.

january 2022
02.01
new year yay! as far as HRT its all been the same. funny how long those first few weeks went by as i desperately looked for change as oppossed to now, where i barely realize its been 3 months (or 8?)

december 2021
17.12
everyday this month ive been making leaps and bonds it seems. i feel so much more confident in myself, i keep experiencing gender euphoria, im getting better about socializing and talking to people, and im just happier. of course, this wont last forever, and ill have to go through another valley soon. but every step is one step forward.

03.12
here are my measurements from the 24th of november (i forgot to record them here):

i also had my second HRT appointment yesterday. i just got my bloods drawn, and ill get called monday about then. the appointment itself was fine, aside from my sys blood pressure was 150. :/ also my weight was 214.6lbs, so i think my scale is off. my goal by next appointment is A. lower my BP so i can stay on my meds B. visit a fucking doctor

november 2021
03.11 three months seems like a long time, but not really it seems. im broke and i need to schedule my next appointment ASAP else i risk running out of meds. however i still do not have a job and have no funds. ive applied to at least 30 jobs and have really only had one place respond to me. the appointment alone is $155-200... meds another $44 at least... this shit sucks.

the most growth ive noticed is really from my areola. i love it.

29.10 i know it (probably) indicates growth, but maaaaan do i hate when my nipples get itchy.

22.10 when i look down at my chest, i smile. they're really there. i know itll take more than a decade for them to reach their full size, so now its a matter of playing the waiting game :)

also, it seems that my breasts are more sore whenever i tend to swallow more of my dose? maybe? i dont know. i thought i was getting used to it ... then boom yesterday theyre sore as hell.

20.10 i HATE being sleep deprived. i cant function properly without sleep. so you can imagine how frustarated i am when i tell you i cant sleep. ive been up since 2:30-3:00am and ive tried so damn hard to go back to sleep. nothing. is it the spiro making me pee in the middle of the night? i thought so, til i get to the toliet and its barely drops of piss. this is a reccuring issue. ive woken up and been unable to fall back asleep at least 3 times this week.

something to note, when i worke up in the middle of the night, 5+ hours after putting in my buccal E, it still hadnt dissolved. i havent woken up after a full night and it still been there, but its intereting to note. that may allude to slower release for me at night - meaning more stable levels at night.

im interested in the synthesis of estrogen, as if when supply lines go down, i dont want to be left without E. i know premarin is from pregnant mare urine, but i dont know if horse breeding is the best way to go about synthesizing estrogen. i may not be a biochemist (at least right now) but i gotta learn this shit - its vital.